Journal Entry: Am I Attached to my Non-Attachment?

I’ll measure your spirituality by how you react when you cut into a perfect $4 avocado only to find out it’s brown and a little sad on the inside.

If we’re attached to the idea of a silky smooth avocado, imagine all the other attachments we have.

The Kaṭha Upaniṣad says: “When all desires fall away, the mortal becomes immortal.” Desire comes from the ego, while the soul is always content. How do we enjoy life’s pleasures without attachment to constant fulfillment?

I’ve been open about my sober path. I reached 77 days without the herb, then I took a hit off a friend’s joint this weekend. That sh*t hit my lungs like it was the first time. Damn, I’m high.

I wondered, am I attached to my own non-attachment from the herb? It’s not yogic to punish ourselves for our mistakes. I was reminded of why I loved it; it can really drop you into the present. But you never step into the same river twice. I’m not who i was 77 days ago, and this isn’t the same herb our parents smoked in the 80s.

So yeah, I’m still sober, kinda like how your vegan friend eats some buttered bacon every few moons (it’s our secret). I’m 4 days sober now, but I don’t care how many days sober I am, I care that I’m on a spiritual journey.

Sobriety makes sense for a seeker, but I’m no swami, so don’t put me on a pedestal because I might light one up just to feel as high and mighty as you think I am.

I care more about learning to treat people well. What you give is what you get. Treat the herb like a drug and it’ll treat you like an addict. Treat people like trash and the world becomes your landfill. Treat others like god and you become brahman. treat a bruised avocado with anger and you’ll go hungry. Admire the tree itself and you’ll be forever satisfied.

Do I regret taking that hit? Nah. I went dancing with my friends. A few years ago I might’ve stayed home, lit my own joint, and sulked under the disguise of “introvert.”

Wake up, win some, lose some, repeat. Whether it’s a joint or a mushy $4 avocado, the practice is the same: Taste the fruit without clinging to it.

Nothing rots a fruit faster than attachment, and nothing maintains the freshness like presence.