Healing in Progress…

A personal update.

I’ve been growing, but not the easy, feel good kind of growth. The slow, heavy kind of growth. It’s like renovating a house while living in it. It’s uncomfortable, but where else am I going to go?

I live with a mind that has traumas, patterns, stories, fears, insecurities, anxieties, you name it. I’m the furthest thing from a self-realized person. That’s why I need all this Yoga!

That’s what the practice is for. When we lose a job, get in a fight, get broken up with, spill a coffee, have a breakdown, say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, judge ourselves for saying or doing the wrong thing…

Looking in the mirror can be challenging. It’s often easier to hold eye contact with others than with myself. I’m working on that.

I’ve been trying to ground into my faith. But not the kind that asks God for everything to go perfectly; the kind that surrenders to God’s will, doing my best and releasing the rest.

I’m not sure if everything happens for a reason. Not everything needs a reason to make it true. And truth is really what we’re after. Karma can work in roundabout ways, and it’s not always our job to justify or explain our circumstances. It’s our job to try to exist well in those circumstances.

I’m not sure if we can ever be 100% “healed.” Healing is an ongoing unfolding process, not a destination that some influencer in their 20s can arrive at. That’s just my opinion.

Or maybe it’s a projection because I feel broken sometimes. I mean, something can only heal if it breaks, right?

So let it break. And it begins from there. It’s a blessing to experience the insights that come from the pitfalls of life. To find ourselves, we must wander and get lost, which is scary.

“All of this is Brahman” — Chandogya Upanishad

All of it. The lows give context to the highs and the highs give context to the lows. And after a while, we realize we aren’t the highs or the lows, we just witness them. There’s freedom in that.

Our suffering is a drop in the ocean. But we are the ocean itself. That’s the teaching.