A Journal Entry on Growth

The joy hits different when you’ve been in the depths.

The heaviness gets lighter when you walk with good people.

The world is a violent place but our hearts don’t need to be.

I’m boutta hit a month sober and I’m loving it. I’ve long identified with the stoner archetype: open-minded, anti-authority, peace and love type shit.

I’ve been asking myself: What does it mean to let go of the identities I’ve been clinging onto? What am I willing to let go of?

I’m working through a knee injury so my practice looks different. Pigeons are now clamshells. Gomukhasanas are now sitting outside while my cat roams the backyard as I try to trust his freedom.

My friend Evan gifted me a book for my birthday last month. The author poses the question: What if we could be just as open and present during a car crash as during an orgasm?

Breathe and feel everything.

Because life isn’t one long orgasm, it’s a bunch of tragic car crashes with a handful of beautiful orgasms scattered across the timeline. If we can stay open & present during the car crashes, the orgasms get that much better. (It’s a metaphor).

Eventually, each moment has the potential to bring just as much pleasure as the next, regardless of our circumstances.

Last night I began a 3 day fast. I’m doing this for both physical and spiritual reasons. To clear out the gunk, rest my digestive system, re-wire my relationships with my vices, and see what comes up when I give my body and mind space to just exist. I’ll keep y’all posted.

Much love — B.